Oct 31/07 Feeling content

I am thinking of ending my blog for now, and this is why. Yahoo is shutting down their blogs in 08, and i dont think i want to wait for them to shut me down, i will shut them down first lol. They say they will try and transfer everyone’s blogs, but they have no idea where that unknown cyberspace will be lol, so i don’t think i will leave it up to them. I have some other reasons also.

My 360 friends are wonderful, and i will still check in on you guys, i am just having a little trouble keeping up with reading everyone’s blogs the last few months, and so i just wanted to let you all know, i love you and care about you, will stop in and visit too, but will not be blogging any more myself on 360, for now, anyways, i think lol. But you never know.

A good friend asked me a question a few weeks ago, i was asked if i am happy with where my hd journey is right now. I thought about it, and know that my hd symptoms, my distress, and my unhappiness over my hd, were much worse a couple of years ago, and i was asked, with the improvement that i have had with my symptoms, even though, i am still not “normal”, would i be happy if a cure came along today, that could not reverse me to before hd, but could keep me at the same spot i am in today with my hd, could i live with that, and would i be happy. I thought about it, and i thought, if i had been asked this two years ago, the answer would have been no. But i said, yes, with all my heart, i am happy now, for two reasons. First, my symptoms have improved drastically with the memantine, and second, i am no longer in distress, but content.

And so, i have been wondering why i have not had any more blogs to write for almost 2 months now, and now i realize why. I have just run out of things to say, you see, because for me, my writing has been about my life, my hd journey, my family, and i think my writing has been about working out my journey, and somehow, i feel happy with the things i have written, i feel happy with my life, and i feel content. And so, i just don’t feel a need to write any more right now, but i may have more to write again.

My blog and the things i’ve written mean a lot to me, and so i am probably going to copy it onto another server for now, maybe blogger.com or something, just so i dont have to trust yahoo to save what ive written. And so maybe, on another server, i will write more again, we will see…smile.

But for now, i am happy, and i’m happy that i\’m doing some things i’ve been wanting to finish too. And so, i just feel very content, and that is a very good feeling.

Love you all, will see you!

 

 

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May 09/07 I Propositioned my Neuro today…..he he he

I propositioned my neuro today, yup, and he went for it, had him right where i wanted him, he he he he he, should i tell the rest? he he he

Ok, i have to tell, so funny. I had a 3 pm appt with my hd psychiatrist today. Their clinic closes at 3, but this was an added on appt cus i havent been able to get in to see the shrink (dr g) in so long…he keeps ending up in the bahamas on my appt days lol. So anyways, i also am 6 months behind in having my yearly appt with the neuro too, because, guess what, dr g was in the bahamas and could not get back to do his assment with my neuro, dr blair.

Sooooo, anyways, today i had an appt with dr g, and guess who else happened to be there, saying goodbye to the staff for the day, he was going home now, dr blair! lol Well, my mind got to thinking, we drove 2 hours to get in here, and all i get to see is dr g, but i dont get to see dr blair, will have to try and schedule, once again, a yearly appt., where both dr’s will hopefully show up at same time. So dr blair is done, and saying night everyone. And my mind got thinking, dr blair always treats me like a lab rat, so i am going to tempt him with his lab rat mentality!!! And it worked!!! LOL LOL LOL!

I say, dr blair, i bet you dont know my name. He stands there looking puzzled, and says, it’s Barb isn’t it. Dr g starts laughing his head off, and says hey man, your good, and we were all laughing. He says how r u, and i say, well…..i want to proposition you lol lol lol. The look of shock on both dr’s faces was hilarious to say the least. He says, hmmm, in what way? And i say, well, i havent been able to get in to see you for a yearly, but, i am going to appeal to the lab rat in you, and i just know you will want to stay late just to see me. He says how come. I say, well, because 6 months ago, dr g here started me on memantine, and i am doing excellent, and i just know your going to want to check this out, mr lab rat lol. He looked at me, says, your on memantine??? Yes, go have your visit with dr g, i want to see you for sure!!! lol lol lol Dr g killed himself laughing. And the secretary told me nobody has every just sat there and wangled an appt. They have tried, many have tried, but never has it been accomplished before! lol lol lol

So dr g was real pleased that im doing really good on my meds, and then i was off to dr blair. Dr blair could not believe it, and neither could i. Tests that i have struggled through before, i was able to do just like that, bingo bango! He was impressed. He says, wow, this is exciting, this was worth staying for! I said, i knew i could appeal to the lab rat in you, and it worked huh? and he laughed and laughed, and said im doing really really good compared to a year ago! And so i am very very happy!!!

And i managed to kill two birds with one stone. I really wanted to know from the neuro evaluation aspect, how i was doing with the memantine, so it was just perfect. But even better, once again, i had my dr’s in the palm of my hands lol, and i just love being in control when it comes to dr’s and meds and stuff, cus i know some day i wont be able to, so for me, this was just icing on the cake, had me laughing and had them laughing too. So i am happy, and so happy too to see how much ive improved by the neuro exam, this makes me very happy. Instead of having more decline, i’ve had improvement, i couldnt ask for better.

The photo is of Elisa, looking just as mischevious as Grandma…..he he he

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Jan 27/07 I'm Stepping Out Tonight

Ok, so, I’m stepping out tonight, out of the closet, only momentarily lol. Anyways, here is a posting I did on the HDAC forum tonight, and I thought, hmmm, I will post it here too, because it is a good thing…….smile……so here it is:“Well here goes. I’m very uneasy talking about my meds on the forum, even though i talk about them in the chat. But i think i will this time. I have been on a memantine trial for 3 months now, and am doing really well on it. I don’t feel as confused and slow, feel more alert. I noticed the dif immediately. I’ve been told to stay at 10mg because 20mg has shown to have more side effects. I made my grandaughter a quilt this Christmas. I have not been able to sew for three years. One of my daughters told me last week, that she sees quite an improvement in me lately. And we ran into some friends today, that we have not seen for six months, and they were like, Barb, you look fantastic, what’s going on they said. They said you are not slow and confused looking, and you are responding quickly in the conversation. So, i have not had every area improve, i personally feel i have had maybe a 75% improvement. I feel this improvement is not in every area, but in three or four select areas. And so, i am happy about this, this is a good thing. If i get more improvement, great, and if not, the improvement i have already had i am very happy with. Does my husband notice an improvement, no. That’s only cus he doesn’t notice anything lol. I’m thankful to Marsha for telling me about memantine. It actually stops brain cells from dying. My Dr says current research is showing it will give me an extra 5 to 10 years he feels for sure” Grandma…….le’s have a conversation   Grandma…….let’s have a conversation…….OK sweetheart, what would you like to talk about?…….Well Grandma, when I am a grown up, I am going to have my own home. It will be very beautiful Grandma. And I will have pretty pictures on my walls, and I will have twins Grandma, and they will be twin girls, and I will have lovely hardwood floors, and Mommy will come and visit me in my pretty home, when I am a grown up…….That sounds wonderful sweetheart…….Yes Grandma, I am going to be four years old soon Grandma, I am growing up very fast…….Yes you are sweetheart…….Grandma?…….Yes sweetheart…….Jesus loves us, and Jesus just loves everyone Grandma, that’s because Jesus is in our hearts Grandma …….You have a lovely heart Grandma…….Well thank you sweetheart, you have a lovely heart too…….Well of course Grandma, that’s because Jesus loves us Grandma, and I am almost a grown up. I’m almost four years old Grandma…….Grandma?…….Yes sweetheart…….When I am a grown up, will you come and visit me in my lovely home Grandma, and come and have a tea party with me Grandma?…….Well of course sweetheart x o x o x                                Praise God from whom all blessings flow;                               Praise him, all creatures here below;                                            Praise him above, ye heavenly host:                                            Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost.

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